puff and gulp

i miss smoking.
the art of puffing smoke
is almost like a silent prayer for me.
the habit started way back during my first year in college
when it's raining in the afternoon,
the city is gray,
and the cold temperature made me feel more alone.
it took awhile before i have found my new set of friends.
so marlboro menthol or lucky strike were the only thing
that kept me composed at that time.

cigarettes have become more of a bestfriend.
those were the days that i have mastered the art of being alone.
i enjoyed singlehood in pools of pairs.

always armed with my notepad and a pen, a good book,
and a pack of my bestfriend
and i'm good the whole day.

mp3 players and ipod are still not widely available at that time.
it's quite good though,
since i cannot drown my environment with music
i have become a keen listener to other people's conversations.
human behavior is an interesting topic to research onto anyway.
couple's breaking up, people gossiping,
a flunked exam, a good party
and even murderous intents.
surprise...surprise...
and all those times,
i have kept an impassive face.
do not stare at me.
i do not want to be bothered.

i really want to go back to smoking
but my lungs cannot handle it.
i even find the smell almost unbearable.
though the taste is perfect with coffee,
i just wish there's a cigarette
that's just made for puffing.
smells and tastes like menthol
and the cloudy smoke will be red.