books!

this month,
i am still overflowing with joy
to have these:

One Good UP Day

sa UP Film Center



dito ako nag dorm dati. summer!

UP Bahay ng Alumni. Katapat lang ito ng UP Film Center

sino si bad boy ng UP CFA?


dito lang ako kumakain ng fishballs at isaw...


lunch ko.

haay Oble...

good bye, coco

i am quite certain that only few people
read my blog.
but what the heck,
this is my spot to spill my thoughts sometimes.


this is another surreal day for me to
leave the office on the dot.
my officemates are still in the battle when i left.
i have nothing else to do already.
work oddly stopped for me
and i was dead tired even before the clock ticked at 5.30 pm.

still, it's almost eleven and my body is still aching
from all the exhaustion.
i do wish this bottle of coors will help me sleep.
for two hours, i was wating for the
sleep fairy to lull me.
and still in vain.

thoughts...

what are the things that i plan to give up?
is this going to be a new year's resolution list as well?
NO.

but i am finally giving up eating chocolates.
i solemly swear with my right hand raised that
eating chocolates can kill me.
it had happened twice already that chocolate migraine attacked
while i was crossing a busy street.
the pain was almost unbearable
and i almost dropped my groceries.

i do not have any deathwish or anything.
i am fine with aging and growing old,
i just do not want to be run over by a speeding
vehicle ---ever.


yesterday's blog was about uncertainty.
and now giving up?

darn, am i turning this blog
into rice gurl's stale left over and past issues!
uhh...NO.

it's just the freaking delectable chocolates that
i am so giving up.

i'll keep on convincing
myself...
i'll keep on telling this to myself...

good bye, chocolates...
good bye....

the uncertain blog

it is a given fact that
life is full of uncertainty
and the only constant in this world is change.


this morning,
it's been days that i am itching
to spend money to buy a second hand macintosh.

for a couple of bucks,
i can buy myself a decent machine.
but tonight, i have realized that
what if after five months,
after my contract ends, will i quit?
i will surely be needing money to get by
till i land on a new job.

but what if i am unemployable?
kidding.

what if next year will be the start of a new business?
i will be needing that money as my capital.

uncertainty sinked in.
and the sure solution is money.
i will be needing a sewing machine
more than a macintosh.


it is 11 pm.
i dig in over a bowl of oily, soggy fries
as my dinner and i'm still thinking about work.
how i love it sometimes,
and how i feel like i am trapped
in a warzone in some days.

it sucks that i do not know
what's going to happen to me in the future.
if i am in the right path or not.
i am having mixed emotions.
i am excited and at the same time terrified.

the future...


if only i can escape uncertainty.

maybe i'm just tired.
i just came from a warzone...

no glam, baby! part 2

there are professions out there that are so intimate
that they know a detailed part of you.

would you date your dentist or gynecologist?

i remember that i was once visiting a familiy dentist
when i had a chance to meet his cute son who is a med student.

i met him when i was on "that chair"
with my mouth wide open and my saliva drooling!

i was having my root canal and oral prophylaxis at that time.
what if i have a chance with the cute guy but his dad said:

well, i took out the nicotine stains on her teeth
and there were signs that she neglects flossing sometimes, my son.
visiting your dentist is really personal.

how about your male gynecologist?
retroverted uterus measures blah blah blah...
left ovary measures blah blah blah...
right ovary measures blah blah blah...
cervix is intact.
will these thoughts play around his head?

how about if you date your dermatologist?
your warts, zits, oily skin, hyper pigmentation...

i mean, i wont even dare fart for days when my guy is around!

there are unglamorous moments that totally kills the romance.

no glam, baby!

it's eleven pm and i just finished defrosting the refrigerator.
i am quite successgul in trapping the half gallon of ice cream
in a chunk of ice and NOT EVERYONE CAN DO THAT TO THEIR REF!
not to mention the ancient fish balls, squid balls
and i have hamburger patties???
there were fossils in there...

darn i have my period.
and the truth about women is we do not wear thong all the time.
we do not wear lace and sexy underwear underneath our skirt
or skinny jeans. we do have full length oneS in case we have our periods!
full length= lola underwears and even ratty ones.

fine. we own ratty underwear including bras.
we wear them when we are not going out and we want to be comfortable.
and yes, we wouldn't let YOU see them.

why ruin a Victoria's Secret when you will just stain them with period?
we are Pinays, we use sanitary napkin instead of tampon.
and oh, i do have Victoria's secret, but not lingeries.
What I have are make ups.

does that mean i wear lingerie as my lip gloss now?

Rice Gurl in bed

Being sick is a luxury.

You eat what you want if you have appetite,
then you sleep and wake up trying to figure out
what to do and can do in the following hours.
to burn time, should you watch DVD?
a feel good movie?
You've Got Mail and all the Meg Ryan films
that you've seen numerous times already.
should you read a book? The book that you borrowed from a friend.
the book that you'll most likely last to read,
the book that will take years for you to return or never.
or maybe go to the supermarket and take time to finally look
at the items that you do not usually buy or NEVER purchased like CAPERS.
I mean what is that?

But i cannot.
Just the thought of making any sudden movement
is making my head hurt more,
and i am so weak that opening a jar of mayo is such a task.

when we are sick,
we are doomed to sit on our assess or lie down in bed
and wallow in pain and boredom-- unfashionably, of course.
How can you wear skimpy clothes if you are cold?
I am wearing pink peejays with hearts on it
and my orange and black socks.

Tragic, isn't it?

Being bored.
that word again is a luxury for a person
who rarely leaves the office on the dot.
i cannot even function for other concerns
when i have time now.

i dozed off for one and a half hours
only to wake up with painful joints
and a higher body temperature.

who enjoys feeling sick anyway?

i, for that matter even despise taking any medicine when i am sick.
And the sound of the clock ticking in the living room
is making me even more dizzy!

this is one of the disadvantages of living independently.
you are always alone and no one will take care of you.
no back rubbing, no homemade soups and no "take your pill"
every four hours.

i am feeling more sad and vulnerable.
if there's a sound of a heart that broke,
i think i already heard it...

shape of my heart

this is a beautiful, beautiful song by Sting.
here's the lyrics. please download it if you have time.
i am so feeling this song right now.
enjoy!

"Shape Of My Heart"

He deals the cards as a meditation
And those he plays never suspect
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for the respect
He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a man of too many faces
The mask I wear is one
Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who fear are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape of my heart...

rice gurl is eating a lot again

since i am dropping the exhibit plan,
i can now continue on writing the third chapter of my "counting fridays".
using pen and paper is an excuse that i am old school in terms of method in writing
and because i am poor and i do not have a laptop.
it's not just me, i heard that Julie Yap Daza still uses her typewriter
but that was five years ago. She's propably a macintosh user now.
i will soon post each chapter.

for now, enjoy the food pictures!
trying out new restos is so cool!
well, new or not eating is freaking fun!

twenty four hours ago, i want to be a groupee

i found myself in a familiar bar in quezon city one friday night.
inhaling the second hand smoke and drinking cheap beer in my hand.
i have forgotten that this is QC,
you can smoke inside an air-conditioned room.

the last time that i was there was two years ago.
i was the proud girlfriend of a vocalist of a rock band then.
that was the first time i became a groupee.
i really dressed up to play the part
and was quite aware that i was being weighed by
a couple of women if i am fit to be the girlfriend of the rocker boyfriend.
well, actually....no.i deserve better. hahaha!

i do not want to be called a groupee but i had my crazy days
and those years were ancient.




but this time is a different story.
i confess that i am a groupee of this special bassist
of a death metal band.
he plays very well and the young man surprisingly has manners.
but the main reason why i will keep on watching their gigs
is because of his name. it has unnecessary H in it!
he is so freaking special.
right, xandi?

squeezing life

i wish that 4 hours of sleep a day is enough to meet deadlines
and hoping that office won't recognize my dozing off periods.
exhibit, rackets on the side, the weekly laundry,
cleaning and cooking, dermatologist visits,the business plans,
the social life that is barely alive
and the "trying to be a groupee me" that i plan to blog soon.

one at a time... my hands are full...

thank heavens that i have short hair--
saves me time from brushing my hair!
the obsessive compulsive me that used to fix all the stuff
in my room and on my bed before going to sleep
is now absent for a while.
i actually find myself putting everything on the floor
that seems like booby traps.
oh yeah...booby...traps.

it's an odd odd world

call me a psycho for feeling like a lard of fat
when i tried fitting a couple of skinny jeans.
the damn thing won't even reach my mid thighs!
women have existing hips and thighs.
but it seems like most women stopped eating
and their size is really next to a fetus.
they suddenly shrunk or these are new species of women that i do not know of.
i am a size zero. is there a -2 now?

maybe i should stop gobbling these good cupcakes





to be able to fit in this cute pair!

i wish that halloween is my birthday

food and fun

what can i say....
i love FOOD!


naan bread, roti and lamb curry at a bumbay restaurant in banawe

my freaky breakfast. egg with two yolk!

my winner omelette. with hungarian sausage,basil, queso, hotdogs...the whole shebang!


this is my favorite STASH of herb! i do not really know what they put in it that makes this tea sooo freaking GOOD!


tonkatsu burger, anyone?

vanilla milkshake...


i LOVE this place.....

a very good roti

and a must try chapatis!

and for the sweet ending...

pandanus pancake with coconut.
this is love...

YES, I AM VAIN AND THIS BLOG IS ABOUT ME

fine. do not look at these pictures if you do not want to see my face.
just that i like these pictures.
the frozen happy moments of my life.
i am so vain right now so almost all of it are ME ME MEEEE!










well, my bestfriend's vain too.

the god of sleep

eight hours of office work, check.
cook dinner, check
wash laundry, check.
wash my shoes, check.

it has been two hours...
i am really not at peace with the god of sleep.

this is good if i am motivated to do my scuptures for december exhibit,
make trinkets as giveaways for christmas, design bags for business,
start reading borrowed books from friends so i can finally return them,
make my own shawl, paint, draw....
i wish i was bored and just think of what i am going to do with my life
instead of thinking where will i start first.

boredom is luxury.
and there is no room for jaded moments
for a pauper like me.
not to mention my zero sick leaves
and only seven days of personal leaves
until the year ends.

darn, i do not want to do anything tonight but my close my eyes
and be at peace with the world.
i deserve some sleep.
i have got to have energy during daytime.

but in a way, this blogging before midnight
help me ponder.
what should i be living for?
where did all my passion go?
where can i get my motivations?

i have a lot of things
to learn.
i should stay focus...

but first, i have to water my new cactus shigi-shigi.

animated inanimate objects

how far do you go to naming inanimate objects?
most of us already put names on our stuffed toys
and cars and it is normal behavior.

have i become too far that aside from dipping my finger
in not edible stuff or tasting pedigree pellets that my dog
loves to eat, i was already putting names on my plants,
my ipod, my mp3 player,our apartment, my guitar and my umbrella.
if i have favorite pairs of shoes and bags,
i might just put names on each one of them.

i usually do the self asessment test.
have i have become some lunatic that makes inanimate objects
alive in my head or i am just a plain sad person and i create
my own world (either or, still the idea is crazy).
yes i do talk to my stuffed toys and plants sometimes,
but i do think there's nothing wrong with that.
and besides, i stopped talking the silly fauna
when the leaves were all dried up and yes, dead.

but in a way, this is bad habit.
it's unhealthy. every time that inanimate object
got lost or broken, and again that "dead" word,
it affects me.naming things means creating a "life" out of it.
you "personify" the object.

maybe that's why i have a lot of things that
i am having a hard time of just letting go.
i am maybe taking things too personal.

bad... baad... baaad.............




oh well, the carousel ride was worth it.
i still think it was a real horse.
surprisingly, i didn't think of a name for it.

sleep will crawl hopefully

hoping sleep will crawl for a dead tired person like me.
it is sunday, why can't i freaking doze off?

anyway, it's really crazy that aside from my friendster account,
my multiply account, this blogspot account, i also have shelfari
and face book to maintain!do not forget that i also regularly
check my yahoo mail. and because of this,
i only have one password for the four of them so i won't forget.
but i have to say that i like shelfari because your friends
can share and suggest books that they like.
you even have "shelves" to post the books
that you are currently reading.
pretty fun actually.

facebook is, well, it is so much like friendster.
but i have to admit that i do have respect for facebook.com
because our "cool and smart" batchmate finally joined
the sillyness of the computer age.
and yes, he was the very first to invite me to join facebook.
maybe face book is for fun and intelligent people.
if that's the case, there should be an option
in face book wherein they post pictures of banned people
from their site,and yes, they will definitely include me.
what the heck. i am still not banned
so i can still post my hideous pictures.

this morning i finally figure out
what i really want for myself this coming christmas.
aside from the silly ipod holder for my little devil ipod jim,
i would love to have a yoga matt.
i do not know why i enjoy the stretching and stuff.

darn i miss clubbing.
i miss alcohol and rock music.

oh my...for the love of God, i need sleep.

Love and Marriage

frank sinatra's songs infuse happiness in my heart.
it can make me sing and dance in the rain like crazy.
now i can fuse genuine and happiness in one sentence.

sinatra's moon river can also make me cry.
there is really something magical
of how sinatra sing each song....

i can always imagine myself listening to his songs in the afternoon
when i am really old, drinking coffee
and having a fun conversation with my significant other.

it is simple yet substantial.

and i think that's what's living is all about.
you experience joy and sorrows-together.
these are the things i oftenly dream about.
these are one of the many things that i am really honest about.
i want to age gracefully.
i want to love genuinely and i want to be loved.

no bullshit.

i can be happy with little things,
hoping that material things
won't be an obstacle to my jovial journey in life.

i want to have my own love story.
and i want it to be a happy ending.

Sinatra really brings out the dreamer in me...

sleepless at jopet's

i still can't doze off.
six more hours and i'll prepare for office again.
someone told me that there there are two possibilities
that will occur to a person
if he's been lacking sleep for a long time.
either he'll die of a heart attack or he'll live longer.
i think that person actually used the word "immortal".
nah, i do not want to risk it whether i become immortal
or i'll just drop dead somewhere.

i remember the film " the science of sleep".
the main character was played by gael garcia bernal.
this is one of those surreal movies
that makes you cringe occasionally,
will leave you with questions,
will annoy you from unbelievable events
you are basically "tormenting" yourself
from trying to grasp what the film is all about.
gael is good looking,i'll give you that.
but he plays the part of an eccentric guy.
i really do not want to see him go all crazy all the time.
too bad, i finished the film already.
and yes, it left me with my head hurting.
much worse than a chocolate migraine.
a headache and a bad back.that baaad.

i have this book entitled sleepless in manila.
i am not sure if i already blogged about this but
it is a compilation of filipino writers who wrote
essays about lack of sleep.
the majority of the authors are insomniacs.
one writer wrote that national heroes
or great men are most likely to be insomniacs.
the writer specifically mentioned was
jose rizal for his numerous and great achievements
in a span of short years.
i believe so.

i can stay up late.
i can stare at the walls and enjoy the silence.
i can fathom on decisions that has to be made.
i can think of fresh ideas.
i can eat a lot during late hours.
but excerting more muscle other than thinking
and masticating food is usually almost impossible.
i have a bad back really, i need to rest it
so i can work during day time.

everytime i see my sculptures,
i cannot almost believe that i finished
every piece in such short time.
i can work with no sleep
and always under my adrenalin way back then.
four years ago....
is this old age or i just lack motivation?
do i have chronic laziness now?

i have tons of plans for my assemblage.
but until now,
all i are stacks of garbage in my room to sleep with.


it's almost daytime.
good morning, people.

(be)friend me

do i still have friends?
okay i was half wishing that the motel party will be moved
so i can attend the officemate's birthday celebration this saturday night.
i know i am awful to even think about ditching my friends.
but someone cancelled due to octoBEER fest IN september.
i am saved.and the two of them will have dinner instead.

i am off the hook.
i can go to the officemate's bash.
but then again i felt tired
and sleepy that i have to call it a day.
i checked on my bestfriend who had dinner with our gay friend.
and i'll say this again,our gay friend.
my.gay.friend.too.ok?
we only have one gay friend that we share,
so it is important.
she said they ate at this indian restaurant near their place.
i said how come you never took me to that place, anyway?
she said i always come late so that resto is closed already.
okay they enjoyed dinner.
fine.
so you are supposed to have that thing with your officemates tonight huh?
i'm gonna call (insert name) so we'll hangout and take pictures.
just the two of us.
and then i said fine.
enjoy taking pictures of her back, okay?
it's always that same back pose.
enjoy.enjoy.

i am even horrible to just text a friend who is leaving for Germany
three days ago because i was too tired that night.
he left without texting me back.
it was my fault.
and i won't be seeing him for almost two years.
i am awful.

this morning i texted another friend and said,
psst.miss na kita.
three hours after that and still no reply from her.
another message i sent to a friend that says
congratulations on your baby angel.
God bless.i even thought of asking
if he till wants me to be a godmother to his daughter
but after two hours of that, still no reply.
i sent another message that says,
you should watch this movie when harry met sally.
the humor is so like yours.and no reply, surprised still?

i am itching to make a phone call right now.
but it will be too painful if my friend teacher is
a) sleeping b)busy grading papers or c)out watching a movie

oh my...
have i have become boring?
given that i do not have social life,
am i drab to hangout with?
should i learn tap dance to make people smile nowadays?
somebody please,
hangout with me.

Salivating Saturday

Since weekends are for families,
you are my family.
My sister told me yesterday
while we were waiting for our baby back ribs
with Mustard Bourbon sauce.
we love to try new restos.
and the search for the good food is always exciting.
and this lazy Saturday,
we ended up dining in Myron's Steaks Ribs
and Seafoods resto in Rockwell.
quite pricey for a pauper like me.
i felt like a man when our food was served.
that big slab of red meat is really something.
i can almost hear James Hetfield's growl and say
"This is a good piece of MEAT".
the ribs is tender, sweet,a bit spicy with mild touch of herbs.
the mustard is just right.
the grilled slice of tomato and the sauteed carrots in butter
really complemented the juicy ribs.
i enjoyed lunch.
though it is quite disappointing that the
grilled tomato, carrots and asparagus
are the regular garnish in
every main course.
oh well, our food trip doesn't end there.

i finally fell in love with cupcakes.
i am honestly disappointed with Sonja cupcakes
and others that i have already tried.
i didn't even attempted to have a taste of Baker's Dozen
because what they're offering
is something that you've already tasted
or at least you have an idea what it'll taste like.
thoguh they do have cute visuals to start with.

this certain cupcake that i fell in love with has a hint of cocktails in it.
liquor might not be one of the best ingredient in your sweets
but what they have is just mild kick in it.
they do also have interesting description of what they really put.
i have tired their cosmopolitan and bailey's cupcakes.
the lady beside me is crazy for their margharita and pinacolada.
alas,i forgot the name of their store and they didn't put anything in their
containers in case you go gaga and you want more of it!
i'll definitely go back to Rockwell
just to sink my teeth in those yummy cupcakes again.
(i'll post that cosmopolitan cupcake soon for you guys to salivate with).

after a few minutes of sugar rush,
i then ended my food story with
blackberry green tea frappuccino.

i do love this Saturday....

Salivating Saturday

Since weekends are for families,
you are my family.
My sister told me yesterday
while we were waiting for our baby back ribs
with Mustard Bourbon sauce.
we love to try new restos.
and the search for the good food is always exciting.
and this lazy Saturday,
we ended up dining in Myron's Steaks Ribs
and Seafoods resto in Rockwell.

quite pricey for a pauper like me.
i felt like a man when our food was served.
that big slab of red meat is really something.
i can almost hear James Hetfield's growl and say
"This is a good piece of MEAT".
the ribs is tender, sweet,a bit spicy with mild touch of herbs.
the mustard is just right.
the grilled slice of tomato and the sauteed carrots in butter
really complemented the juicy ribs.
i enjoyed lunch.
though it is quite disappointing that the
grilled tomato, carrots and asparagus
are the regular garnish in
every main course.
oh well, our food trip doesn't end there.

i finally fell in love with cupcakes.
i am honestly disappointed with Sonja cupcakes
and others that i have already tried.
i didn't even attempted to have a taste of Baker's Dozen
because what they're offering
is something that you've already tasted
or at least you have an idea what it'll taste like.
but they do have cute visuals to start with.

this certain cupcake that i fell in love with
has a hint of cocktails in it.
liquor might not be one of the best ingredient in your sweets
but what they have is just mild kick in it.
they do also have interesting description of what they really put.
i have tired their cosmopolitan and bailey's cupcakes.
the lady beside me is crazy for their margarita and pinacolada.
alas,i forgot the name of their store and
they didn't put anything in their
containers in case you go gaga and you want more of it!
i'll definitely go back to Rockwell
just to sink my teeth in those yummy cupcakes again.
(i'll post that cosmopolitan cupcake soon
for you guys to salivate with).

after a few minutes of sugar rush,
i then ended my food story with
blueberry green tea frapuccino from Starbucks.

i do love this Saturday....

sining opening

Sana maka-attend ako sa opening ng exhibit na ito.

motel and slutty clothes

i am quite excited about our Motel Party tonight.
three girls and one gay guy is hot enough i think.
haha. i do have "crazy" friends.
do i have enough slutty clothes for this sizzling saturday night?
i do not think so.
but my friend begged to disagree.
she said i have enough for the four of us.
oh well, we'll see!
oh, i'll definitely wear my fishnet stockings!

lost and lost

I'm not good with fights or arguments.
i may argue wrongly and may say things that i do not mean.
maybe out of anger, that makes me a liar...

in my own self assesment,
my actions are more rue.
if i'm too sissy to say what i feel,
i may show it in a different way.
pag mahal kita, ipapakita ko.
i am too scared to say what i feel
because it is such a gamble.
i do not want to see rejection in the eyes of the guy i love.
i may never recover from the picture...

i am difficult to understand and i confuse myself at times.
but i also give myself some slack sometimes.
i grew tired of confusion.
pero marami palang bagay na dapat sinasabi
at hindi lang ipinaparamdam.
kailangan ko rin ng assurance.
at kailangan ko ring malaman kung wala.


i am not mad anymore...
i am just so honestly sad...