where is the equilibrium?

one hundred sit-ups,
ten minute arm and leg exercise
and a big appetite every meal, every single day.

I even manage to sleep 8 hours a day even if I work in night shift.
but why is it that my doctor is telling me to stuff myself with food
the reason why I am not ovulating for three months?

My sister said: Did you tell her of how Celine Lopez managed to be 5 feet, 4 inches tall
and be just 80 pounds?
I doubt it if she has trouble ovulating.

Do I have to gag myself with food and hoping that one of these days,
I will be a certified woman again, coz if not, it's gonna be the fourth month!
Yes, I had my couple of oh so lazy days and i even had trouble sleeping because my stomach is so full.
i barely moved any muscle in my body except from my jaw in those days..
But still, I threw up a couple of times that made me feel like I am bulimic.
Hello, I so looove good food why would I want it all go down to waste?

The doctor even told me to gain weight, so I stopped exercising.
But wouldn't it be healthier if I burn all those cholesterol and fat so I won't give myself a heart attack?
But still, I AM NOT OVULATING!

why, oh why?!

I worked so hard to achieve the not so lanky posture by trying to make myself healthy whilst it is not enough???
I take my vitamins, I even embrace all the good things in life but still,
my body is acting weird.

Why, oh, why?
Where is the balance here people?!
I bet those super thin models that are half my size do not have a problem with menstruation and most especially with PMS.

They can put up a big poster as well that says:
Yes, we are models.
Yes, we are so thin.
Yes, we barely eat and we HATE CARBO.
Yet, we ovulate.

...and shove it in my face.

Why, oh, why???